Will your first date gel or will it be hell?

​For many women, first dates can be nerve-wracking affairs in which we try to balance looking effortlessly ‘perfect’ while seeming serenely comfortable. However, the contradiction between how we feel...nerve-wracked and self-conscious...and how we wish to appear...confident and comfortable...makes us feel inwardly unsettled and outwardly awkward.
 
One particular friend of mine...a visually beautiful woman (she knows who she is - although specific elements of her story has been disguised for reasons of confidentiality) was eagerly awaiting her first date in months. However, two days prior to the actual date, her son has wacked her in the face with a piece of Lego, causing a cut on the bridge of her nose. It wasn’t a nasty cut though...it was healing rapidly, and could easily be concealed with a minimum of make-up.
 
Nevertheless, for many women, this would be seen as a disaster because it feeds into an already existing anxiety about how we look. Yes, we know that men are more visually-oriented than we are...at least initially. For example, they may become easily fixated on a woman’s butt, her breasts, toes or whatever. And yes, men can be mightily turned-off too by anything from a bulging belly to bingo wings. But to a barely visible cut on the bridge of a woman’s nose?
 
Do we seriously believe men are that shallow? Clearly my friend does...and by the same token, I can certainly see why many men believe women are somewhat lacking in the ‘ability to reason dept’! I mean, look at what my friend had to lose...a date with a potential life-partner over a slight cut on the bridge of her nose! This is absolutely absurd! The whole situation could be handled quite differently if she considers the following possibilities:

1. Her date will notice the cut on her nose...and so what if he does? He will be far more interested in how confident she appears rather than how cut-up she is facially or otherwise.

1. If she removes the emotion around this issue, the less the anxiety she will feel. In other words, the less time she’ll spend hyper-critically judging herself over dinner, the more time would be spent observing the beauty and flow of the encounter.

 

1. This will allow her date to comfortably compliment her beauty and grace, and her fears will soon evaporate. But have you noticed how offended and defensive even the most attractive women get when complimented by a male admirer? Yes! But why? This is because the man is complimenting the very thing the woman doesn’t like about herself.

1. So clearly, the issue is one of comfort...or the lack thereof. So maybe my friend should simply allow her date to get to the destination before her. This will help create a scenario where she’ll feel welcomed and wanted...and the issue of her nose irrelevant.

 
This was my advice to my beautiful friend. There is no need for her to ‘protect’ herself from the judgement of others...if she does; the universe would send her situations confirming her need to do so. In other words, if you obsessively think about avoiding negative situations, they will come a-knocking furiously at your door! Instead, focus on love, support and compassion, and the universe shall repay you in kind!

​(c) Salnoor 2016